Saturday, October 2, 2010

The darkest moment before radiance

Up from bed half asleep and half awaken I was when a sudden instance quake in me a feeling of wakefulness. Well, it was happening all around me and so I blinked in opposition tossing and turning grudgingly never wanting to be on the scene on one hand and wanting to remain there on the other hand just because I have already made it my comfort zone. It was a classic well-worn situation that no doubt suggested resilience as the only best option to tackle the jiffy with tenacity hopping to change everything to my enchantment. But first I needed to determine what was behind this picture and so I cleared my throat swallowing unable to take my eyes away from the very episode.

I immediately recognised that there was a glimmer of light behind the tick gloom darkness. But I wasn’t the only one around. Everyone seemed to be standing in hefty impenetrable groups which did not look particularly welcoming. Everyone had to face his darkest moment with its mystifying complexity and so I was unwilling to merge with anyone no matter how close you were. One thing seemed obvious, everyone had to battle in order to get on the other side of the fence or remain in your used habitat that had become your reassure precinct.

A pretty boring ambition for a 32 year old to look on the other side of the fence I thought hastily, then took another sip of my saliva in the manner I never did before standing awkwardly and alone in a friendless environment. Then came a deep-voiced, ‘move on young man, being alive in itself is a fortune’. This confident observation just perfectly complements what my grandmother told me shortly before she joined the land of our silenced fathers. ‘Never lose your joy, with it you will move on happily without it you will remain unapproachable’.

How true. I gave myself a steady and deliberate look taking inventory of my life then exuded a kind of down-to-earth sensuality which made the special one who noticed the good in me to have a breath catch in the back of her throat. It was a moment to move on with poise, I was inspired never to hold on to the past nor lose sight of what is to become.

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